I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I think I died a long time ago.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
