Your mouth is God's brothel.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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