Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize