Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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