You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
