I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
