so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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