Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
