I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
