hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
