i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
