"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
