Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
