Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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