He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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