OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize