ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize