Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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