Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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