You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Blood and glitter go together right?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
