Is it because I queefed?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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