new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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