it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize