i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
