There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
