I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
