Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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