so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
