My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
