im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
