dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Randomize
