My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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