i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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