Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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