dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
The struggles of a small town man whore
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Randomize
