The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I currently don't understand fingers.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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