so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
