I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
