I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
