just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
