Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
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