So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
