woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize