She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
