is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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