a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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