Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
