You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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