aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
