ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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