I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
