I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
