Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
