Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Randomize
