U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
