Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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