Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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