Nicole vs. Life
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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