He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Randomize
