I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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