I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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