margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
