apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
