What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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