This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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