yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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