does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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