So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
