I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
